It's very encouraging to take time to reflect over the past few months and see how God has allowed me to experience healing as I have been going through the various stages of grief. May: I was completely and utterly remorseful and wished I had done our entire relationship differently. {Stage 3: Guilt/Regret} June: "Africa High" {Stage 1: Denial} July: Africa {Stage 1: Denial} {Stage 4: Depression/Withdrawal} Weekends in August have been the biggest struggle for me! Reflecting over the past 5 Saturdays gives me so much hope! :-) Saturday, August 1- I woke up hopeful that Garrett still wanted to be with me. Unfortunately, just because I had spoken to him, didn't make this true. He went to the lake and partied it up all weekend with Wesley and Brittney Long. {Stage 1: Denial} Saturday, August 9- Daniel May's bday dinner at Longhorn... For some DELUSIONAL reason, I thought I was going to to over Garrett's after dinner and watch a movie with him?!. Garrett telling me that he was "sorry" that I was hurt and sad only made it more difficult to "snap out of" my delusional state of mind. {Stage 1: Denial} Saturday, August 16- CRAY, CRAY! I stalked Garrett's IG and found pics of him with girls, basically living a life that I will just never have the desire to be apart of. {Stage 2: Anger/Pain} I slept the entire weekend and withdrew from both family and friends! {Stage 4: Depression/Withdrawal} Saturday, August 23- Beth Moore: Tears were shed when God convicted me about truly letting go of the foothold that satan has had on me for so long, but they were tears of healing. {Stage 5: Acceptance/Recon/Hope} Friday, August 29- I met up with Taryn and Jessica... Since I haven't talked to/seen them in forever, they had no idea that Garrett broke up with me. Talking about it and reliving Stevi's wedding night, Mandy Bradley's IG post ("look who's getting hitched next"), and having Garrett's friends yell at me through the other end of his phone that I am just holding Garrett back lit this fire of anger inside my soul. Not anger like a jealous rage, as usual, rather, anger out of WHY have I been so sad and depressed over Garrett when I (with God's grace) can control the way I feel. I felt angry with myself that I've allowed a mortal man rob me of my joy these past four months. Jess text me this before falling asleep last night: "They are all immature, and it's ridiculous how they act. But don't let them do this to you. You R better than that; you are STRONGER!" {Stage 2: Anger} And she is right! Because I'm seeking God's will for my life, I AM stronger! Even though I fail multiple times on a daily basis, God is/has been pouring His grace and love upon me, allowing me to truly grieve the loss of this unhealthy relationship, enabling me to become healed and whole in Him, and in Him alone. Once true healing occurs and I am truly content with it just being me, I know He will send me someone who will encourage me and join me in allowing God's amazing plans for my future come into fruition. {Stage 5: Acceptance/Recon/Hope} Saturday, August 30- Wow! I woke up hopeful, and I have no desire to stay in bed all day. This is THE FIRST Saturday since my breakup that I am not tempted to just sleep the day away. Praise The Lord! {Stage 5: HOPE!}
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